17 replies to this topic

[lepiota]

Some form my Hillbilly relatives:

Madder that a wet hen.
I don't know if I should scratch my watch or wind my arse. (Confused)
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
I ain't never seen the beat. (I've never seen any thing to top what I've just witnessed, lol)
Like a cow pissin on a flat rock. (Usually said when commenting on a particulary strong urine flow)
You are a hair brained idiot. (That one is pretty clear)

Bring 'em if you got 'em.

Edited by lepiota, 30 July 2013 - 06:58 AM.

[Obed]

"where'd my can of skoal get off to?" -my aunt

[fortfan]

Played cards with friends this past weekend. I heard:

Hotter than a two-******** billy goat.

Worthless as a one-legged man at an ***-kicking contest.

When the cards don't fall like you'd like after leading: That dog don't hunt.

[fortfan]

Went to the "Greasy Pickle" in Portland Indiana for supper Saturday.

If you've ever been in Portland you know what I mean when I say half the women in there looked like they'd been "Rode hard and put away wet"

[Johnstown Benny]

lepiota, on 30 July 2013 - 06:58 AM, said:

Some form my Hillbilly relatives:

Madder that a wet hen.
I don't know if I should scratch my watch or wind my arse. (Confused)
She was so tall she could hunt geese with a rake.
I ain't never seen the beat. (I've never seen any thing to top what I've just witnessed, lol)
Like a cow pissin on a flat rock. (Usually said when commenting on a particulary strong urine flow)
You are a hair brained idiot. (That one is pretty clear)

Bring 'em if you got 'em.

Suggest you read some of the posts from the Columbus Grove poster calling himself
"Badlands". . . .most of his ramblings appear to have been written by an Appalachian meth-head.

JB

[Week 10 All-American]

If my aunt had balls she would be my uncle.

Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other. Then tell me which gets full first. *My Dad always said this one when one of his kids would say "I wish we could...."

[lepiota]

Week 10 All-American, on 30 July 2013 - 10:09 AM, said:

If my aunt had balls she would be my uncle.

Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other. Then tell me which gets full first. *My Dad always said this one when one of his kids would say "I wish we could...."

Pretty classic rough love from the dad there, lol.
How about this classic: "If my dog was that ugly I'd shave it's butt and make him walk backwards."

[Badlands]

Johnstown Benny, on 30 July 2013 - 09:57 AM, said:

Suggest you read some of the posts from the Columbus Grove poster calling himself
"Badlands". . . .most of his ramblings appear to have been written by an Appalachian meth-head.

JB

Aww...thanks for thinking of me today... .....Once again when you go way out of your way to make a post about me , and give my hometown... Its called a STALKER.....But I still love you...You little rascal......and for the record, that was a very poor attempt at humor....

B

Edited by Badlands, 30 July 2013 - 06:26 PM.

[Wilco98]

Hotter than a hornet's nest

[Week 10 All-American]

He is wound so tight you couldn't pull a pin out of his ass with a tractor.

[roarintiger1]

"That boys' about as sharp as a bowling ball." "That makes about as much sense as screen doors on a submarine."

[Badlands]

JB is goofy as a football bat

[slice slice baby]

lepiota, on 30 July 2013 - 06:58 AM, said:

Like a cow pissin on a flat rock. (Usually said when commenting on a particulary strong urine flow)

I saw this topic shortly after you posted it, but in trying to come up with the ones that I use all the time, I couldn't--not right off the top of my head. So, I asked a few friends to tell me which ones they liked the best that they hear me use, and, jotted them down as I've uttered them in my convos since your thread ......but, before I post them, I've got a question for you on one of yours....
The one above quoted by you had me cracking up and trying to envision when and under what circumstances anyone would be discussing anyone's ( or things/animals) urine flow strength?!!? Still can't figger it out!?!?! Lmao

[slice slice baby]

fortfan, on 30 July 2013 - 08:38 AM, said:

"Rode hard and put away wet"

Diddi/bandido (rip) used this one lots!! ('Specially on some of the posted RC FNL-Friday night lights pictures!) Miss that guy! He was a hoot!!

[slice slice baby]

Week 10 All-American, on 30 July 2013 - 10:09 AM, said:

Wish in one hand and sh*t in the other. Then tell me which gets full first. *My Dad always said this one when one of his kids would say "I wish we could...."

My grandma always told my sis and I this one... I still say it and no one knows what I'm talking about-- but, I'm used to that by now! Lol

[slice slice baby]

Y'all prolly know many of mine by now between everyone I talk to here regularly or longtime reading around the board, but here they go...

Busier than Paris Hilton's knickers. (Pretty self explanatory, but, in need of an update... Perhaps substitute a Kardasian? Lol )

Goofy as a peach orchard boar. (Goofy person, like a drunk pig from eating peaches that have fallen to the ground )

Couple sandwiches short of a picnic--Pick-I-nic, if u like yogi and boo-boo! Lol (not bright)

When ever I'm told, " sometimes in life you must do things that are uncomfortable"..... My response, " No! That's what u have to do to get a ride home from a kegger in the woods!" <<< a few times of me saying that in response to my grandma, she quit saying it to me!

Captain gum flap and his war on silence.

more confuzzled than a hungry baby in a topless bar

This happens to me all of the time with certain ppl..like my mom-in-law... It's like my mouth is falling down the stairs

You got more balls than a Chinese ping pong tournament..... Does denoting "Chinese" in it make me racist? Lol

Panting harder than a virgin on prom night

Don't go pickin ur peaches before they're all fuzzed-up good

Goes to show what looks like rasslin to one is dancin to another

Grinning like a mule eatin briers

Buttered up front ways, back ways sideways and and edgewise ( schmoozing someone, but good! )

Busier than a cows tail in fly season

Let's put it this way....feed the girl a cucumber it'd come out pickles (someone that's drank too much)

Looks like her hair got in a fight with her face and they both lost

More nervous than a hooker in church on a Sunday morning

Yeah and if a frog had wings, it wouldn't bump it's ass a-hoppin either

Without my say-so they wouldn't piss with their pants on fire

does the Pope wear a funny hat?

I'm sorry,all I heard was blah blah blah ima dirty tramp

[lepiota]

All good ones, Slice, and many I hadn't heard before. As for any reference to a cow pissin on a flat rock: I've not seen it personally, but obviously the sight is one to behold. Needless to say, you would to be standing close with your Sunday best on.

[Maltese Falcon]

During the cold Northwest Ohio winters I tend to use "Colder than a witches tit" more than I probably should.

About someone who is a cheapskate- "If you shove a lump of coal up his arse, in 2 weeks you would have a diamond" I think this phrase was popularized by the 80's classic movie Ferris Bueller's day off.