41 replies to this topic

[lepiota]

"Let's settle this once and for all! You're the reason my life's a mess!" Lewis was dumb-founded. He'd always thought the two had a good relationship but apparently Coleman harbored some resentment. It was probably because...

.....Lewis stole his girlfriend at the Lallapalooza For Little People concert a couple of years ago. A fight between the two ensued, and eye witnesses said it resembled watching a heavyweight title bout from really, far away.

[slice slice baby]

(you guys are cracking me up!~~ "it resembled watching a heavyweight title bout from really, far away.
" )

[Mo-Problems]

.....Lewis stole his girlfriend at the Lallapalooza For Little People concert a couple of years ago. A fight between the two ensued, and eye witnesses said it resembled watching a heavyweight title bout from really, far away.

Lewis never really understood it. He didn't really steal Coleman's girlfriend. It was more complex than that. Billy Ray Cyrus was performing at the concert and Lewis ran into Coleman who was being harrassed by a slack-jawed yokel named Jed. Jed claimed to be Billy Ray's son but Coleman didn't believe it. Of course, most people could let it go but Coleman's a bit of a hot head. Lewis was just intervening when...

[lepiota]

Lewis never really understood it. He didn't really steal Coleman's girlfriend. It was more complex than that. Billy Ray Cyrus was performing at the concert and Lewis ran into Coleman who was being harrassed by a slack-jawed yokel named Jed. Jed claimed to be Billy Ray's son but Coleman didn't believe it. Of course, most people could let it go but Coleman's a bit of a hot head. Lewis was just intervening when...

... when Coleman came to his senses, took a closer look at Jed and said, "Cut me some slack man. Don't you realize I'm the guy living in your shed? (sigh)...

[Rocketman]

... when Coleman came to his senses, took a closer look at Jed and said, "Cut me some slack man. Don't you realize I'm the guy living in your shed? (sigh)...

just about then Lindsay Lohan popped out of the trailer looking for someone to take her to the store..........."hey, which one of you will".........

[lepiota]

just about then Lindsay Lohan popped out of the trailer looking for someone to take her to the store..........."hey, which one of you will".........

....of you will take me, I need to get some-"
"I'll take you baby."
Lohan was astounded to see what at first looked like a six-foot tall Emannuel Lewis, dressed in Classic Michael Jackson, and winking over his aviator sunglasses. Further inspection revealed the reason for his growth spurt; He was standing on the shoulders of what appeared to her drug addled mind to be former child actor Gary Coleman. Coleman was grunting from the weight and trying to set Lewis's pants ablaze with a zippo lighter.
"Ah, thanks guys, but I think I'll...."

[Rocketman]

Lep,
you are one messed up dude

[DAWG_ALICIOUS]

....of you will take me, I need to get some-"
"I'll take you baby."
Lohan was astounded to see what at first looked like a six-foot tall Emannuel Lewis, dressed in Classic Michael Jackson, and winking over his aviator sunglasses. Further inspection revealed the reason for his growth spurt; He was standing on the shoulders of what appeared to her drug addled mind to be former child actor Gary Coleman. Coleman was grunting from the weight and trying to set Lewis's pants ablaze with a zippo lighter.
"Ah, thanks guys, but I think I'll...."

Just then, Big Ben emerged from the bathroom after what seemed like a very long time. The puzzled look on his face got everyone's attention as they noticed the Miley Cyrus Fan Club magazine and what appeared to be an Enquirer folded under his arm. Lohan was the first to break the silence, asking Ben "What's wrong, Big Boy? Still wondering why there was no DNA?"

Edited by DAWG_ALICIOUS, 02 May 2010 - 10:38 PM.

[myturn]

Just then, Big Ben emerged from the bathroom after what seemed like a very long time. The puzzled look on his face got everyone's attention as they noticed the Miley Cyrus Fan Club magazine and what appeared to be an Enquirer folded under his arm. Lohan was the first to break the silence, asking Ben "What's wrong, Big Boy? Still wondering why there was no DNA?"

Still wondering why there was no DNA?" Ben replied "At least I have/had (he couldn't make up his mind) some talent and I don't have to sue a company that has a commercial with babies to keep my name in the news." Jed, who recognized Lohan and had always been a fan, jumped between Ben and Lindsay. Facing Ben he said "Take that back. That is no way to talk to a lady."

[lepiota]

Still wondering why there was no DNA?" Ben replied "At least I have/had (he couldn't make up his mind) some talent and I don't have to sue a company that has a commercial with babies to keep my name in the news." Jed, who recognized Lohan and had always been a fan, jumped between Ben and Lindsay. Facing Ben he said "Take that back. That is no way to talk to a lady."

As Ben drew back his meaty arm to deliver a haymaker that would have puverized poor Jed, he was distracted by three things; Lewis was now rolling on the floor, desparately trying to put out the fire burning his custom taylored, polyester Haggar slacks. And Coleman had picked up a spatula from the stove and had lifted up the back of Lohans dress and was taking upskirt pictures with his cellphone.

He could have probably ignored those two things and pounded Jed if not for the third distraction: He could hear Vanilla Ice's "Slice, Slice, Baby" on the radio. This had reminded him of an lady that used to tutor him back in high school at Findlay. She had gone by that same nickname and he had fallen for her cause she was hot (in a cougarish kind of way), but it was not meant to be becasue she was on the internet ALL the freakin' time. Still-

Suddenly a searing hot pain went through Big Ben's groin. He looked down to see Coleman, grinning maniacally while he pulled back the baseball bat from Ben's crotch for another blow.

Edited by lepiota, 03 May 2010 - 12:17 PM.

[Rocketman]

Suddenly a searing hot pain went through Big Ben's groin. He looked down to see Coleman, grinning maniacally while he pulled back the baseball bat from Ben's crotch for another blow.

finally the Midgeville Police Dept. arrived on the scene......(one of the paparazzi who had been following LL had called them)........."what the heck is going on here Ben, and why is Gary Coleman carrying a baseball bat?"......" we just get done covering up your last little escapade and now we have us a midget"...................to be continued

[lepiota]

finally the Midgeville Police Dept. arrived on the scene......(one of the paparazzi who had been following LL had called them)........."what the heck is going on here Ben, and why is Gary Coleman carrying a baseball bat?"......" we just get done covering up your last little escapade and now we have us a midget"...................to be continued

I would like to take a brief editorial interlude to here to show my appreciation for the passage; "and now we have us a midget." It shows the proper redkneck flavor needed as it pertains to a small town police force. Similar passages might be; "I think I mighta' killed him." or "I think left my service revolver in the girls locker room."

Edited by lepiota, 04 May 2010 - 06:57 AM.

[lepiota]

finally the Midgeville Police Dept. arrived on the scene......(one of the paparazzi who had been following LL had called them)........."what the heck is going on here Ben, and why is Gary Coleman carrying a baseball bat?"......" we just get done covering up your last little escapade and now we have us a midget"...................to be continued

Coleman's brow wrinkled into an angry folded bunch, and his lips drew back over his teeth in a growling snarl. The two cops took a step back in spite of their training.
" 'Midget!'" He cried, his tiny black fists regripping the bat. "I will kill you moth-"
Coleman's head snapped back suddenly and his eyes rolled back. As he fell to the floor, the slack from the taser teather line drew tight.
"I tazed the little freak!" One of the cops said, " He was gonna' take a swing- you all saw it!"
Ben stepped over Coleman's quivering body to the cop.
" I could use one of those. How long are they...."

[Rocketman]

"I tazed the little freak!" One of the cops said, " He was gonna' take a swing- you all saw it!"
Ben stepped over Coleman's quivering body to the cop.
" I could use one of those. How long are they...."

"How long are they warranted for?"........."it has to be better than using Ecstasy on the women I've been with lately"........Lindsay finally spoke up..."Hey Big Boy, how 'bout you and me getting together and making us a movie together?.....we could really"......................

[DAWG_ALICIOUS]

"How long are they warranted for?"........."it has to be better than using Ecstasy on the women I've been with lately"........Lindsay finally spoke up..."Hey Big Boy, how 'bout you and me getting together and making us a movie together?.....we could really"......................

... we could really get things going" "I've got a friend in New York who knows some girls about the age of what you like. For about $300 or so, we could film you working on that DNA issue you have" "Trust me, it's totally legit; and I can jump in every now and then and..."

[lepiota]

... we could really get things going" "I've got a friend in New York who knows some girls about the age of what you like. For about $300 or so, we could film you working on that DNA issue you have" "Trust me, it's totally legit; and I can jump in every now and then and..."

"...every now and then and it would really go viral on Youtube. Hey Gary, get off the floor and quite looking up my skirt."

[lepiota]

"...every now and then and it would really go viral on Youtube. Hey Gary, get off the floor and quite looking up my skirt."

" "QUITE' looking up your skirt!?" Gary said as he activated the picture feature on his cell phone. "Whatchoo talkin' 'bout, Lohan? Lookin' up your skirt is 'quite' what I'm doin!"

(Makin' the save without editing. That's what IM talkin' about)

Edited by lepiota, 09 May 2010 - 08:17 AM.

[lepiota]

After being stomped in the forehead by Lohan's Italian-stilletoed-designer pumps, Coleman lay comatose for three days in a Beverly Hills hospital. As he came out of it, his blurry eyes could make out the mulletted head of Jed. There was no one else in the room.
"Where's Lewis?" He slurred "Where's Lohan and Rothlisberger?"
"Well, Ben called 911. He said he was in a room with Lohan, Billy Ray Cyrus' bastard offspring, and two black midgets. They kept laughing and asking him what the punchline was. Finally, I took you to the hospital. I guess they all took off."
"I was out 3 days!? I didn't even think she hit me that hard"
Jed looked around the empty hospital room and moved closer to Coleman. As he leaned in and began to whisper, Gary could smell Corn Nuts and cheap beer on his breath.
"I think it was because nobody posted for three days, Gary. I think the jig is up--oh sorry, jig is probably a bad choice of words."
Coleman and Jed turned to look at the backside of the massive computer screen that had hung in the air since the whole thing started.
"Did Odin turn it off?" Coleman asked. "Why are we still here."
Jed shook his head and stared out the hospital room window. The sun was coming up and he knew that whatever lie ahead, it had to be better than this.

[Mo-Problems]

What happened to Gary Coleman next?

[slice slice baby]

What happened to Gary Coleman next?

hahahahaha!!!
You're soooooooooooo bad, mo!!!!